Most likely to succeed??

My senior year of highschool was hectic. Everyone was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make sure they had a for sure plan for their future after highschool. Highschool was all we knew then. It was like a second home and for some, our only home. Especially since our school was so small; we were all pretty close. Everyone was worried that if they didn't have a plan, they weren't going to survive out in the "grown up" world.

We all had appointments to share our plan with our school counselor. We were supposed to talk about our grades, test scores, and career goals. What exactly we wanted to be when we "grew up". 

My plan (that I started in 9th grade) went a little like this:

1. Graduate Valedictorian or Salutatorian.

2. Use Scholarship to go to community college and live at home or close to home for two years for RN.

3. Transfer to University and finish out four year degree.

4. Graduate college.

5. Start working at a local hospital.

6. Possibly get married (after the age of 25).

7. Possibly have kids (after the age of 25).

8. Take over the world... haha just kidding. 

My school counselor was definitely impressed. She was so proud to have "someone like me" in her school. She told me that I am so goal oriented that there is NO WAY I would fail. It was impossible for me to not succeed. As long as I stuck to my plan and didn't stray from it. As long as I kept a good head on my shoulders and didn't let anything get in the way of my plan.

Well, that's when things changed. My boyfriend at the time, proposed.

 I was so set to sticking to my plan, because that's what everyone told me that I needed to do. Everyone said that if I didn't stick with my plan, that I would be throwing away everything that I worked so hard for.

 I even disappointed some people that I loved for just thinking about getting married at the time.

But I kept questioning myself. What exactly was everything that I worked for? How much did sticking to a plan that I made myself really mean to me?  Would getting married get in the way of my plan? Could I still go through with my plan even after I got married? Would everyone be so disappointed in me that they wouldn't want to be there for me? 

I remember having so many headaches and heartaches over trying to make this decision. I knew how I felt about each decision I could make and I also knew how everyone else felt about them too. No one was shy about telling me about how they felt about my life. 

God was silent though. I kept calling out to Him to help me and tell me what I needed to do. I remember falling to my knees in tears asking for Him to send me a "sign" or just tell me.

That's when I learned my lesson. God was silent, because He knew what was in my heart. He knew that I needed to look fully to Him in order for me to see that deep inside myself. I couldn't see what exactly was in my heart, because I was so blinded by the pressure everyone else was putting on me. I couldn't fully follow GOD'S plan, because I was so stuck on MY plan. 

Not once did I ask God what HIS plan was. I was worried about what my plan would be if I decided to go to college first or get married first. And that was where I went wrong and why I was going through so much heartache. So I did what I should've done in the first place... I asked God what His plan was for me.

That's when I made my decision:

To get married first.

 My boyfriend wasn't pressuring me, he was willing to wait a little while,  he was ready to get married whenever I was. I decided that I was ready. At that moment. I wanted to be married to him before he had to move away (he was in the military about to be stationed somewhere far away) and before I started any other part of my plan like go to college. I wanted to go with him. Be with him. My heart was with him and if I would've decided to go to college, my heart wouldn't have been in it. I wouldn't have enjoyed it like I thought I would when I started my plan in the ninth grade. It would've been easier though, to go to college and focus on just myself and school work. That's not what I was made for though and I felt that with every inch of my being.

After I had told everyone my decision, I still recieved bad criticism. People began to look down on me, even my school counselor. So many people had such high expectations for me, they were blinded by them. Those high expectations poisoned my relationships with them and right when I needed them most. 

Even after all of that, I still had peace with my decision. Why? Was I being selfish and not thinking of how the ones I cared about the most felt? 

No. I cared so much, it took all I had to keep going in the direction I was going.

I still had peace with my decision, because it was through God that I was making that decision. After I made my decision, everything became clear on what I needed to do and how I needed to do it. And that's when I knew it was right, because everything became clear. Of course, I didn't have everything figured out that was going to happen next. But I knew that how I felt became clear and what I needed to do became clear, no matter how wrong it seemed to someone else. Everyone else, really.

Anyway, shortly after we got married and moved away from our family, we found out some news that changed things even more.

I was pregnant. 

Not only did I skip a few, okay ALL, of the numbers on my "plan list", but I was about to have another human being. 

I wasn't worried too much though. I figured that since I babysat a few babies and that they had books on the whole experience, that I was set. (Remember my last entry?? Yeahh.)

Like I said previously, until I saw his big blue eyes staring up at me... I was so confident in myself. 

I had a good pregnancy, delivery, and hospital experience. When I got him home, boy did I learn a lot. 

None of these things were apart of my original plan. Yet they WERE apart of God's plan. Notice after I let go of MY plan and focused on God's, everything became peaceful in my heart and became clear as to what I needed to do. 

  I didn't see what was going to happen next or how things were going to fold out. But since I kept to His plan, I knew it would all work out successfully in God's eyes. Those are the only eyes that  I need to please and when I realized that, I didn't worry about pleasing everyone else. 

I became truly happy.

Now, I'm happily married to the person who knows me the best, mother of one and one on the way, a stay-at-home mom (I wouldn't want to be anywhere else), and closer to my family (though not physically) than ever. We have our own three bedroom house, property, dog, car, and we're both figuring out our dreams as we go. Together. We aren't perfect and we don't have everything figured out completely... but we do let God have control and that's how we succeed.

So when I was voted "Most Likely to Succeed" in highschool, is this what I visioned for myself? Not even close. But I still see it now as me succeeding. Not through this world, but through God. That's all that I care about the most. Succeeding through God.

I'm challenging you to just let go and let God.